Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
