I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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