We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
