My friends, they love my intelligence
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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