if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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