i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
