I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
