dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize