i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
