so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
