i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
