Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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