never play flip cup with pint glasses
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
