Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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