He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
