Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
