So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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