so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
