Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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