from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
