idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
