I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is Oprah even human
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
