I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
