I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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