i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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