I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
