My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize