ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
