So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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