my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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