If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
