Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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