Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
