I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
