Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
