Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
