so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
