Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
