i think my tv is drunk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
