Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize