I wish i was in the wii world.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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