It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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