once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
