I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize