Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
