One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
