As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
