it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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