Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
