The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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