i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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