I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
