How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
