the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
