well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
