you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
