You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
