Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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