I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
