We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
