Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
