So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
