Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
