Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
