Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
