We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
