I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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