never play flip cup with pint glasses
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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