Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The adults are the big ones right?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
