I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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