Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
