She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
