I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
